Category Archives: Inferno Cage Match
In this corner we have one sick dude. So sick he was burnt alive by people who hated him. He took Michael Jackson’s style and said “ok that’s cool, but what if I wanna cut $#^%.” In the Black fedora, knifey glove, and bad skin we have…Freddy Krueger!!!
In this corner a man of many parts…Literally. Upping Freddy by one hand. Black hair, pale complexion, and no possible way of masturbating. We have Edward Scissorhands!!!!!!!!!
Standing at a foot and some change, with an indeterminate weight (the guy keeps levitating during weigh in). The oldest living jedi, master to a whiny little farmboy, hick. He’s battled Count Dooku, turncoat troopers, and arthritis. Give a big round of applause to…YODA!!!!
In this corner, trained by the greatest martial artists in Okinawa, he has received his belt from- JC Penney. Also the master of a whiny little ingrate, who only shows his appreciation once it’s too late. He’ll show you mercy, but watch out for your beer bottle. He’s the one, the only…MR. MIYAGI!!!!
In this corner, he’s been called the Pirate Lord of The Caribbean Sea. He has evaded capture by the British Royal Navy and a grisly death more times than we can count. He runs his ship with a flamboyant flare that leaves his shipmates, peers, and enemies guessing at all times. The one, the only-CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW!!!
In this corner, he’s a contemporary of Long John Silver, but is more feared on the high seas. Standing tall with one functioning hand and an ever so pointy hook in place of the other. Taking a break from hunting Peter Pan and the Lost Boys, we have, none other than-CAPTAIN HOOK!!!
In this corner, a pure adrenaline junkie, with a gun in one hand and parachute on his back. He plunders, he surfs, and philosophizes with the best of them. A major fan of Reaganomics, he takes what he wants as he trickles down to the beach for some sun and surf. The one, the only…BODHI!!!
In this corner…we all thought he’d be bigger. Even with his mean roundhouse kick and left hook, he still taught us to just be nice. In case of an accident, he has his medical records in hand, even though he believes, pain don’t hurt. A fellow philosophy buff, who is frankly, pretty buff. The undisputed champion of bouncers worldwide…DALTON!!!
In this corner covered in blood from vanquishing the enemies that wronged her. She’s deadly with her bare hands and a Hanso sword. Give it up (cuz if you don’t you’ll go on her list) for The Bride!!!!!!
In this corner wearing a long black trench coat and glasses that stay on his face somehow. Captain of The Nebba…Nebbaaakannez…a really cool ship. He believes that his guy Neo will bring order to the Matrix and save the humans. He’s quick with his feet, his fists, and especially his guns. Give it up for Morpheus!!!!!
In this corner he’s pretty old, but don’t let that fool you. Wearing a long brown cloak and wielding a lightsaber, and the force. He believes his guy Luke will bring order to the galaxy. Watch out or he’ll chop your freaking hand off in a bar. Let’s hear it for OBI WAN!!!!!!!!!!!!