Devil’s DVD Disappointment: Your Highness
Every now and then, I am pleasantly surprised at the movies. And, every now and then, I am devastatingly disappointed at the movies. I know I am biased to stoner movies and silly comedies. I really wanted to like this movie. I am a big fan of everyone involved in this. On paper and in the trailers for Your Highness, the movie looked funny and, you know, good. But, once again, Hollywood does the “let’s put the best parts in the trailer” move and they got me. With Your Highness, I was shocked and awed by how awfully terrible this movie is. Your Highness is 2011’s worst movie by a mile.
Your Highness tells the story of a pair of medieval brothers, Thadeus (Danny McBride from Eastbound & Down and Pineapple Express) and Fabious (the great and I now believe insane James Franco) who must save their homeland from an evil wizard who’s kidnapped Fabious’ bride in order to rape her during the next full moon. Oh, yeah. High art this isn’t. Along the way, they are betrayed by their own men, masturbate a perverted wizard and run into a medieval and beautiful ninja played by Natalie Portman.
I know a lot of actors and directors make movies to fulfill contracts or, let’s face it, to just get paid. (You think that Prius was free? Wait. It probably was.) I really hope that everyone involved cash their checks and will never speak of this movie again.
Whoever thought this movie was a good idea really needs to stop taking whatever drugs they are on. You can make a good stoner movie. It’s been done before. Some actors make careers out of doing just that. The people behind this movie made a great one, Pineapple Express. So they could have done it. Your Highness is such a waste of talent. When the funniest joke is a dead minotaur’s penis dangling from a character’s neck for the last 2o minutes you have got serious problems with your movie.