It’s My Fault The Blair Witch Has Come Back (A Mad As Hell Op-Ed Piece)
So there I was making fun of my friend Bernie’s ridiculous looking beard. I said that he looked like an independent film director. I also said all he need is a baseball hat, and at Halloween he can go as the guy who made The Blair Witch Project. He then asked me to repeat it because he didn’t hear me. Then he said it. Looking over on Latino Film Review I see that the makers of the original (not the sucky Book of Shadows or whatever) are making a true sequel.
I can only assume The Blair Witch Project is just like Beetlejuice and saying its name three times makes it appear. It all makes sense there was something about the 10 year anniversary in EW. I thought about how I haven’t thought about that movie since I saw it.
Apparently they want to do a movie about what happened right after it ended. Well allow me to let you know what happened. I looked to my left at my friend Mike, and I said what the hell did we just watch? The only thing Blair Witch did for independent films is let us in on one truth. For fifty thousand dollars you can make a shitty horror film where you give the audience motion sickness. Oh and don’t forget the five minute shot up the girls nose. That was stellar photography. I wonder what could come next in that story. Are they gonna say that being super frightened has aged them ten years? Well they better think of something. We’re in a recession people!!! Save your money!! If you need a loan and can’t get one from the bank, go find the idiot that’s funding Blair Witch 2- Let’s Get Witchier.